So I'm embarrassed to tell you this but I'm going to because it's important. I'm embarrassed because I just now had a realization I should've had a long time ago. But before my realization will make sense I must tell you something very personal about myself. I bare an immense burden. It's the most beautiful burden I can imagine having and I thank God that he allows me to carry it. God has given me a heart for poverty stricken people and for whatever that specifically means for an individual's life. I see videos and pictures and I carry memories of dirt roads, and schools with dirt floors, and homes entirely made from dirt and I weep tears of utter joy. My body aches with longing to be amongst those people, to be in the dirt. I'm physically affected by the amount of love I have for people I've never met. I don't tell you this for my own pride, please don't take it that way. Believe me I've abused this God given, beautiful burden time after time. I tell you this to tell you something greater. Something that points to Jesus.
Tonight, like so many others, I went through a process of so many emotions felt for people who live in this condition. I realized that I was sitting there overwhelmed because I felt that I needed to somehow 'fix' it. That it was up to me to 'save' them. How ridiculous. If I so firmly believe in a God who provides me with every single thing that I have, why would I worry that he not do the same for others? If I trust that the living God is a good, good Father, why would I limit Him? I constantly have to remind myself how much more He loves His people. I can't even fathom how His heart must break daily for us. How He must ache to help us. How He must ache with love for us. I have to trust His goodness and I have to trust that He knows. That's it.
-Mary
No comments:
Post a Comment