It seems that there is a never-ending process of life as a Jesus follower. A constant state of learning and growing all while wishing you were learning and growing more, and at times being tired of it. Reflecting on the last year of my life I can guarantee that if you ask He will give. It, however, will never look quite like you think it will. When I asked for a deeper love for the world and a better understanding of others with His vision, I began to empathize in ways I never thought of, and it hurt beautifully. I asked to understand the way He sees me and I began to understand how it feels to be completely held in love. Ask for peace in a time of anxiety for the future and get a peace that surpasses all understanding. Ask to taste His joy and receive a joy that no one can touch. I asked to trust Him more and I began to feel more lonely than I had in a long time. It began to feel as if it was so dark that I couldn't even see my own hand in front of my face. He comforted me on a whole new level and I felt Him like never before. He'll open your heart to surrender the present and the future to Him in total trust, and you'll experience such freedom from fear. I asked for a firmer faith that isn't based on feelings and He removed all feeling. And I began to doubt that He exists at all. And I learned to choose to believe. And He taught me to worship with my mind. And through the utter pain, there was utter beauty. Looking back on lessons I know I will never be done learning, I wouldn't want to have learned them any other way. Though I'm at times exhausted from the call of being obedient, and from all of the enemy's lies, I can look back and see that The Lord fought for me, and I need only to be still. So much of this process is the re-realization of total reliance on God. All of these lessons have put me right back into the place of seeing that I can't pull any of this off on my own. I need The Lord to tell me where to put my feet and to make my heart willing to listen to Him and put them there. In the pain He gives perspective of the goal of this life: to be with Him and to live a life of seeking to point others to Him. With that perspective, one of eagerness to be His vessel, He lets us crave whatever it takes to make us who we are supposed to be in Him. Whatever it takes to make us the most ourselves we could ever be. A perspective of understanding how broken we are and how much we rely Him to be able. And oh how able He makes us. Our process is a constant state of beauty from ashes. One that says, "I was this, but then Jesus, and now everything's different." One of life and life to the fullest. It's an art form, really. It's a mess and it's a masterpiece, accepting the work in progress in order that the world may see His love through you.
Broken Vessels:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiyYoe678yI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVjedGudN8w
